sweet solemn something, this familiar voice and a song whispered gently in my heart far before breathes a new air and exhales the strife of at least four or five men...the tune is long since forgotten and the words are missing in some far off translation that no one bothers to decipher; no one knows, no one asks, no one cares.
hey unfaithful, I will teach you to be stronger, to be stronger...hey unfaithful, I will teach you to be stronger, to be stronger...hey unfaithful, I will teach you to be stronger, to be stronger...hey unfaithful, I will teach you to be stronger, to be stronger...hey unfaithful, I will teach you to be stronger, to be stronger...hey unfaithful, I will teach you to be stronger, to be stronger...
and in one soothing synchronism i found your stare on a lock-down, but your eyes hide the message of a thousand years...and i disbelieve your sense of deception, for you're not quite so evil and your weapon of choice is not in your hand, neither even on your lips or in your eyes...but you keep it in a secret place where no one ever goes; no one thinks, no one sees, no one tries.
hey ungraceful, I will teach you to forgive one another...hey ungraceful, I will teach you to forgive one another...hey ungraceful, I will teach you to forgive one another...hey ungraceful, I will teach you to forgive one another...hey ungraceful, I will teach you to forgive one another...hey ungraceful, I will teach you to forgive one another...hey ungraceful, I will teach you to forgive one another...hey ungraceful, I will teach you to forgive one another...
and in a moment frozen in time i suffer this unrelenting sequence..it's the cycle that heals and the cycle that kills...it runs on a haywire frequency that mumbles solutions to problems that don't exist...it's content with its plastic figures and fake concepts that no one really understands; nothing's clear, nothing's new, nothing's real.
oh sweet angel of mercy, with your grace like the morning, wrap your loving arms around me...oh sweet angel of mercy, with your grace like the morning, wrap your loving arms around me...oh sweet angel of mercy, with your grace like the morning, wrap your loving arms around me...oh sweet angel of mercy, with your grace like the morning, wrap your loving arms around me...hey unloving, I will love you...oh sweet angel of mercy, with your grace like the morning, wrap your loving arms around me...oh sweet angel of mercy, with your grace like the morning, wrap your loving arms around me...oh sweet angel of mercy, with your grace like the morning, wrap your loving arms around me...oh sweet angel of mercy, with your grace like the morning, wrap your loving arms around me...and Jesus, I'm ready to come home...oh sweet angel of mercy, with your grace like the morning, wrap your loving arms around me...oh sweet angel of mercy, with your grace like the morning, wrap your loving arms around me...
and simplicity, that heroine, i knew her so long ago, how i miss her dearly and wish she'd come home...what a comforting peace she brought me...and now in her absence there's left an anxiety that nothing can calm and no one can heal...and the fragments of a broken puzzle wouldn't form the same shape again, even with the most precise eye...theyre much too small and far too numberous...and it's all a part of the struggle that's avoided by so many people in so many ways...and it's just a normal inconvenience that bleeds like an open wound, a crisis that no one asked for; no one wants, no one needs, no one loves.
----------------------------------------------marquee - underoath

its like they push me and pull me until i loose my balance and rock back and forth in a sway thats almost as tranquil as the trance that blends the thoughts in my head with the letters that flow from my fingertips or the hums that roll off my tongue sounding like rare and unsaid words only audible to those with the most adequate sense of perception thats not been bleached by society as if it were drenched in some incriminating residue of blood-stained guilt or shame. yes, and in one last sweeping blow, i've been pushed too far and fall away from all of them as they stand pointing and mumbling about their sick twisted little joke that no one knows the punchline to but yet they just laugh and laugh. and all the words are trapped beneath my fingers upon the paper that's of a substance that no one can burn cuz its been burned oh so many times, and healed and burned and healed and burned; it's numb now, emotionless and empty. this sequence is like a bat to the skull and the pounding is like the reading and i'm just to illiterate to know what's going on, but you're far worse off than me. it's like they push me and pull me and all i can do is reach my hands up and wish that i could get away and stay away because even breathing loneliness would comfort me more than your cozy arguing. change, an embodiment of organized memories, revamped and ready to show the world how new it is. and your couple, the self-loving and self-caring pair they are, that distance and absence, should be ashamed of their disgraceful behavior, ripping away love from any satisfied relationship and bringing it to the one that doesn't want it. how purely scandalous as ive felt both affects and never liked them once, twice, or thereafter. for in a map of the planets you miss the stars, and when you miss the stars you miss the beginning,. look at this difference, this change; there's something new. what is it? what is it? they push and they pull and there's not yet an escape.

sometimes i just wish you would know what i'm thinking

because it hurts to say them.
+<3x

this is the place this is the place where the broken hearts unite this is the time this is the time where i am standing by your side this is the place this is the place where the broken hearts unite this is the time this is the time where i am standing by your side this is the place this is the place where the broken hearts unite this is the time this is the time where i am standing by your side this is the place this is the place where the broken hearts unite this is the time this is the time where i am standing by your side and yet another day comes to a close. school was early in the morning of course...at 10:05 headed to my locker which didnt open and officer lavely had to open it for me...turns out nothing i needed was in it anyway...went to ms. harney...talked about a request and then walked away with a form...went to tyler and had my mom sign the form...went home...chilled for a little while...went to joes to meet kate...went to the school to drop off my form so that now i have 12:20/12:20 instead of 2/10...and have mr. a instead of mrs. a...dropped off bianca and went straight to forest park...was a little late for the meeting...met my teacher and learned how to do the computer work...drove home (very tired) in the bulleting rain...stopped at fosters to notify chanda of my non-ability to work because of change of schedule...she wasnt there...went home...ate...realized i dont have to do my thinking skills hw till tomorrow and was happy...now im here. chris's phone doesn't work anymore...that or he got a new number...doesnt matter i guess...that boy and i have sketchy contact...guess ill see him soon enough if i hit up a football game in dumfries or the mills malldan ryan, brandon, and dan showed up at joes a few minutes after we got there...that was pretty funny. cool guys.amanda, when we talked last night, i almost cried. i'm so proud of you. stand your grounds girl, youve got way more behind you than he has. and if he doesnt leave you alone i'll kill him...with my bare hands...and one behind my back ;)happy birthday (tomorrow) ginny, 17 is a good year.congrats on the date steve-O!, dont do anything your show mom wouldnt do...speaking of which, WE havent hung out in years...asho got a job...congrats ashoumm...other announcements....hmmmmmmmmmm......oh kate, next time we go to the mall, we need to steer clear of weird men with girls clothes, long hair, cheezy smiles, and CAMERAS *shudders* oh and arian...i found an interesting product at the store the other day...it's called "sheep-away" ...you should really get it...they must really like your or something...you'd think they'd move on after eating you house and all your favorite clothesi better stop rambling...+<3x

Dear loved one please listen...This might be the last chance I get...Im sorry I left you...Im living in a world of regret...Dont cry if you can hear me...I never meant to hurt you, dearly...Im so wrong sincerely...Dont stop take life seriously.These are the last words...Im ever gonna get to say to you...When everything falls away from you...Take these words and know the world...Is not worth leaving. Theres so much Ive done wrong...Since I left it hit me so strong...Take my hand and lets walk through...All the times IveLIED AND HURT YOU...Those people, please love them...Dont hate them, were not above them...You can have everything but have nothing...Listen Ive got to tell you something.These are the last words...Im ever gonna get to say to you...When everything falls away from you...Take these words and know the world...Is not worth leaving...Last words...Ill ever really get to say to you...So listen very carefully...To what Im saying...Life is more than just the games youre playing. If there was ever one thing...I could ever get across to you...Id tell you not to say the things you do...And tell my mother that I love her too...No matter what life pulls you through...no...Youve got what it takes to make it through...And if I was you Id get down on my knees and pray...Thank God in the morning for another day... Life is more than just the games youre playing.

+<3x

It all started at 6:15 am when I left for Bianca's house. I picked her up and at about 6:30 am we left for Kyle's house. We ended up driving to the wrong house and parking in their driveway. Then we picked up Kyle and headed off to Safeway. There, we stopped in for fifty-two cent donuts. Then we traveled back to my yacht and headed to Carribou where we enjoyed our donuts and various teas and coffees. At about 7:15 am, we headed off to school. When we got to school, I had to park in the very last row of the student parking lot. What happened to senior privileges??? We walked inside at about 7:25 am only to be more surprised about the number of froshes all over the place. Everywhere you looked, as far as the eye could see, and we were outnumbered. As we pushed our way through the mass of them, we wondered how there could be so many of them. Finally, Bianca and I made it to room 2202. We lost Kyle somewhere along the way. When we got there we came to find that our classroom was shared with an english class; half the class was thinking skills and half english 12. There were only about 10 kids in our part of the class. We spent most of that class doing nothing. We did however add Amanda to our clan. After the bell rang Amanda and I parted ways with Bianca and braved our way through the masses to room 1106 for music theory. There we found that the class was even smaller than our last. (How could there be so many people in the halls and so few in the classes?)I met up with Patti (who had been in the two previous classes with me) and after the bell rang we pushed through to room 1102. As more and more kids filled the classroom, it became evident that this government was noticeably male dominated. The sternness of the teacher was broken at 11:15 am when he sent us to C lunch. There I got lunch with Steven and dined with Ginnybotts, Amanda, and Audrey. It was fun while it lasted (especially the recap of the caesar salad story). Then it was back to 1102. After that came the long hull back up to 2202 and while I was pushing my way through the wall of froshes I found that I had acquired a Becca attached to my backpack who said, "They won't mess with me because they'll have to go through you first!" So true, so true. English class was a bore, with a grand total of 13 kids in the class, noticeably female dominated. After class, we knew we would probably never make it downstairs in time to get ahead of the buses so Ginny, Amanda, Erin, Bianca, and I decided to stay and talk in the hall for a while. Amanda and Erin had to go home but Ginny, Bianca, and I decided to head to Carribou once we made it outside. We found Kyle and he and I took my car and met Ginny and Bianca there. We had quite an interesting time there. Then I dropped off Kyle and came home caught in a lovely rain.And that was the end to the first day of my last year of high school.School tomorrw...round two...+<3xBTW celticaknight, if you are reading this, i am going to respond to your questions tomorrow because i still have some school preparations to which i must attend. just wanted to let you know i haven't given up and the questions are not too hard ;) talk to you soon.

your pain is multiplied by every word with great degreeyour metaphors mean more than simply creativityyour heart's an open book of hate and vengeance and denialaccompanied by lacks of needs of the most versatileif nothing here can retribute the way you feel insideand not a person, song, or tale can leisurely providean answer satisfying to the thirst you have for truththen your perception's focused on a question asked in youthyour mind is set on answers that you search for on your questuntil you ask the right questions, you will not find the restsee you've been mixing what you are with what you want to be and you don't see the danger but it's plain polarityand what you want is not always the thing that's best for youbut you think that's what you deserve for all you've been put throughhowever, you're no favorite, you're no different, you're no morethere's nothing you've been through that someone else has not beforethings like these occur in different places everydayand people own resulting pain, they live, they die astraybut they can only see the anguish put in their possessionand this deteriorates good change, they fall into regressionyour weathered heart thus screams, "so what's the consequence for love?"an answer's shrieked right back to it, "you yield a lack thereof"but how is this? the heart is yours, won't you choose to unearth it?if you can't let go of that pain, then life's not even worth itbut yet you build these walls around your bleeding tattered heartand each one must be broken down before you can restartyou say they fix the problem, that behind them pain's concealedbut things once fixed can break again, what you need's to be healed

every time I talk to you, I just want to cry embrace you. I just wish that I could heal your wounds knew what to say to show my love comfort you. I know you've been through so many crucial things that you still haven't learned from have shaped your life in ways you never thought possible. I know your heart is buried in hurt and bitterness injured and that you don't really know what it is to truly love it's hard for you to feel loved deal with those things in your life. sweetie, I wish you knew how much I really care for you. I mean even though we aren't close, I wish we were really do. I've had the opportunity to reach out to you so many times, but I was scared didn't know how. I love you and I keep you in my prayers. I just want you to be happy. I want you to heal.

It's hard to understand you. I just don't get the way you think. No, wait; I do understand, because I used to think like you too. But what I don't get is why you still think in that same old worn-out way.
You were always the one who wanted to live on the edge...be different...let the mainstream bleed their own blood while you lived in a world of your own....and escape the stereotype of "normal."
But you're just like all the rest of them.same problems same escapes same hiding places same worries same excuses same promises same broken promises same anger same bitterness same emptiness same actions same ideas same attractions same hatred same clothes same hair same heart same mind same beliefs same concepts same breath same blood same lifeAnd you'd never admit it.
It's funny how you can see your mistakes so clearly after you've made them...and after someone points them out to you. It's interesting how we often can't see what we're doing wrong, while so many other people can. But we all make mistakes.
i make mistakes...you make mistakes...we all make mistakes...i make mistakes...you make mistakes...we all make mistakes...i make mistakes...you make mistakes...we all make mistakes...i make mistakes...you make mistakes...we all make mistakes...i make mistakes...you make mistakes...we all make mistakes...i make mistakes...you make mistakes...we all make mistakes...i make mistakes...you make mistakes...we all make mistakes...i make mistakes...you make mistakes...we all make mistakes...i make mistakes...you make mistakes...we all make mistakes...
And as many times as you stand in front of the mirror and stare blankly at that peculiar person who's staring right back at you with that same empty wonderment that you've got, you still can't see what everyone else sees. And when you do get a glimpse of the problem, denial comes and blurs the picture once more...and again you stare at an unfamiliar face. I've never seen eyes as empty as the ones you call your own.
I've never seen anyone break into a million pieces and not realize that there were small fragments missing from the final product when you tried to put yourself back together. You put everything in backward and upside down. Now there's too much between your heart and anything outside your chest. You've got all of these layers of hurt covering your once bare heart...and it forgot how to breathe. And so this is how you've become just like all the rest of them. Your heart, in attempts to keep on beating, watched the hearts of others and copied the pattern.
same rudiments same rhythm same pattern same sequence same style same method same order same cycle same flow same blood same life
So you've become the very thing you always told yourself you'd never be. When you don't know yourself anymore, how can you expect others to? When people don't know how to fix themselves, they become something new so they can mask the problem. Then that problem gets forgotten with all the ones that pile on top of it. It's important to realize that trying to fix yourself will be of no benefit to you.
You have to heal.
I love you too much to see you the way you are, but I can't do much to help if you aren't willing to try.
Won't you heal?
+<3x

Hey,I guess it's been awhile since you've heard from me. I've been rather busy. A lot of friends have been going off to college. However, they're all pretty much still close, except for Miranda who is going to PA. This is one of the biggest points of one's life. You decide what exactly you are going to do with the rest of your life. You decide where you will live and with whom you'll associate. It's not easy. Music is still an ongoing theme. As for this weekend, I'm going to the Swythe battle tonight and the Flipside Fest tomorrow. It's expensive, and a lot of my paychecks go to gas and admissions. However, dreams of music never fade. I started playing my guitar this morning when I woke up, and I was thinking about how interesting it would be to play another instrument. Guitar is fun, but I've always wanted to try bass, and more than bass I've always wanted to play the drums. I know a lot of drummers; maybe I could get some lessons. I've also thought about getting voice lessons; that would be beneficial. I've recently been studying the past. I've only read three of the 300 fulfilled Messianic Jewish prophecies. Along with that I've been looking at aspects of religion. I've also become fascinated with Forensic Science and I've been reading up on medical illnesses, etc. I thought of taking psychology as my major in college, but I'm not sure yet.So that explains some things that have been happening lately. Don't worry, we'll talk again soon. In the meantime, how are you doing?Sincerely,Chele+<3x

so yesterday was the big night...the night of the play that i was in...it went well i think. dustin did an excellent job with all of it and i'd be happy to work with him again. and i'd love to hang out with all the people that were in it with me...that'd be cool, they're all really cool...
some people said i did a really good job acting. maybe...i don't know. i find it easy to take a role on and make it real...to bring it to life...to be casual and real about it. i mean...most people act everyday...they call it "fitting in". you know them, they play the part well...to where you almost don't even know how fake they are until one day they slip up on a line or two...and their mask falls off...and they were so good at acting...or "fitting in" that you didn't even notice that they were just playing a role. acting is fun. it's exciting. but who wants to act every moment of their life? who wants to be themselves around most people but then have to put on a mask in front of those select few? did those select few even ask you to be different around them?
you shouldn't have to disguise yourself when you are with your friends...no matter how different you may be. if you think you need to put on an act or hide things from them...you might want to question why you think you need to do that. maybe there's a reason you guard your words or wear different clothes...maybe there's a reason you listen to music you hate or avoid places you would normally go, people you would normally see, and things you normally do.
your friend, if your friend is indeed a true friend, is not going to judge you and point a finger at your faults and mistakes to make you feel inferior or to hurt you. not at all. with that in mind...take a look...why are you hiding?
a true friend would rather see you dress that way and do those things and see those people and go to those places and say those things, all in your raw skin...than to see your masked face as you tell lie after lie and hide relentlessly.
think about it.
+<3x

this is it... the tides have rolled in and the temperature's just about right...it's almost time for us to walk on water+<3x

a whistle of windso bitterly cold that it chills even the brittle bones of those with cold blood and hearts of stoneescapes from your pale lips with every word you speakand every wordsends a crushing force upon whatever being it landslike a crisp brown leaf on an october sidewalk that was overlooked by a hurried joggerwhose pieces are now crumbled and broken withered and torndead in flesh to the world that once knew it to be alivei too was overlookedand here we stand after a far journey down this path that's been so lovelythe way the young trees would stand firm in the warm summer air and blow about in the cold winter stormsthe way the roses would blossom with every petal in place to yield intense beautythe way every blade of grass was rich in color and healthand covered every edge of the ground near the path we walkedthe way that the sun would melt out of the cloudsdown to the groundonly to rise new and collected hours laterthe way the stars would dance around once the sun had gonelike children in an open field with no guardian who could play all day and all night and never be tiredchildren in an open skythe way the harvest moon would set on top of the willow treesand make even themin their drooping and sadnessglow with a praise no other tree along the way could showand what about us?it's been hard for us bothour memories reek of laughterthey drown in salty tearsand burn in bitter and selfish angerit's all we haveand yet none of it matters anymore as we stand herestaring at each otherquestioning the path before usfor at this fork in the pathi want to go one way and you want to go anotherand we can no longer walk togetherthe sun only shines on one sideand stars will only dance with the sun and the grass only grows where it is seen by the sun's lighteverything beautiful depends on the sun and is too stubborn to live without iteveryone wants the sunexcept youyou want to walk alone in the moonlightin the fog and through the swampswhere there is no real trail and you only guess what you suppose is the right way to goand you end up walking in circles for days before you start on the right pathbut you only last on that path for a short time before you wander off againbut if you'd only come with meif you'd only walked with me and come my waywe'd still be walking togetherhelping each otherand enjoying the beauty together along the wayand yet here we standstaring at each otherbecause this is where we partas i go in my direction and you in yoursgoodbye my friendmaybe someday you'll come back from your pathback to the fork where we partedand you'll take the path i tookand find me until that day...+<3x

life's nothing like she had supposedshe whispers with her senses closedshe won't see him or hear his voicebecause she struggles with a choiceto live and do all she has plannedor die and bend on each commandto live could prove any of these evident:drugs, alcohol, lust, casual sex, idolatry, witchcraft, satanism, violence, selfishness, greed, envy, anger, hatred, cults, gangs, parties, raves, disbelief, worry, liesto die would prove all of these evident:love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-controleach has difficulty, pain, fear, and problemsbut to live means there is an empty shell of suffering built around the absence of a core to die means reliefshe stares into the eyes of grace and turns her own decaying facea tear rolls down, he cries in pain and reaches out and calls her namebut she won't turn, she's locked the doorthe bolt is thick THIS IS A WARBE STILL

sweet unrelenting sacrificehow does thou see what is to comeif not be the past then the future is neari do say, how can you smile, when only a day is near, while a night's so farto see the starswhat is this division of the place where you go?do you see this transgression of the holy--no, what's not? wheres your moment to shine alone?or will you?like the sun and the stars or can you?will you see the end before the rest or before it comes?whats the price to pay for loneliness?i'm not alonea seventh day among the 23rd and the signals still flash and the sirens still scream what a daydreamwhat a daydreamwhat a reality. what a life...that's about to begin.+<3x

when something impacts you enough to make you change your whole outlook on life and to make you change who you are or what you do...it could be good or bad. the good is definite. the bad is dangerous. something changed your life. remember what you what you were like before then?and look at you now...are you who you want to be?+<3x

i'm...

a geek, a loser, a no one, a nerd, a failure, a fool, a clown, a jerk, a sucker, a drop-out, a freak, a reject, a poser, a follower, a junkie, a cliche, a punk, a disappointment, a disgrace, a bad influence, a tragedy

i'm...

stupid, clumsy, lazy, repetative, simple, brainwashed, gullible, trapped, alone, different, dead, weird, distant, lost, broken, changed, trendy, obnoxious, meaningless, trash, predictable, dumb, unpleasant, ugly, absent-minded, ridiculous, immortal, confused

am i all that you say i am because you believe that i am?
or is it because you don't believe, and i do?
maybe it's because you just don't understand.
i don't fit in, i don't belong...

and i hope i never ever will...
+<3x

i've learned that...
money will lead to death
limited power has no authority
light always beats darkness
balance is relative to weight
true love avoids temptation
every second could be the last
i've learned that...
i'll take everything that belongs to me with me when i die
i wasn't made to burn
i've learned that...
sorrow is a sweet masterpiece created with creativity and slyly misused and brought about with the notion to push one until one can no longer balance on the edge that they walk along and they fall to their death
misery is sorrow's best friend and despair is a mutual friend of them both, but doubt introduced them all to each other
i've learned...
in a week's worth of resistance i find that the battle goes on and i'm not alone in the fight
i find that the comfort i thought i had lost was there all along, tucked in a corner that was blocked by things i never thought could hinder my sight and i didn't realize they did until i moved them
i am renewed, whole, and ready.
we win again.
+<3x

a giant leap a prayer answereda victoryand a lossi told you you would lose. +<3x

one more victory for the prowlerone more captive seized into his limited powerone more reason for him to show his deceitful grinone more tear from my eyewhat can i do? a mere seventeen years in my past and not too many to comea servant for a master a leader and a followeri won't fall victima stern image of the person that everyone hopes they'll never bethe person they all avoidthe one they know all about...yeah...they've heard the storiesthey know the namethey know the factsand they know something elseone more sorrow for the prowlerone more challenge for his stone cold heartone more flame unoccupiedone more smile for youhe won't give upwith his sly anticsbearer of magnificent beautythe proof that pretty is just fake uglywith dishonest eyes and an empty heartvengeful and deceitfulpure eviland he wants meone more temptationone more trip and fallone more aggravation and annoyanceone more drop of sweatand finally, the battle is herehis eyes meet minei look awayhe draws up his weaponsi draw up my armorhe stands alone, staring me downi'm not alone...and i'm prepared to fighti'm not afraid anymorei'll fight to the deathdo you hear me?you lose.+<3x